Annoying The Cullens
by XxMrsCullenxX
Summary: AU!Twilight fan fic featuring the Cullens and Bella. Slightly OC. 26 or so one shots about random going ons. slightly funny .. well i think so :D
1. Darkness

**Annoying the Cullen's**

**Chapter 1**

**Ok these chapters will be fairly short but there are going to be about 27 of them so don't complain :D All of the characters will be slightly different… **

**Oh yeah an I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and as of 2nd August, Breaking Dawn :'(**

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bel-"

"**WHAT!**" Stupid midget vampire.

"You're coming to stay at my house" Alice squealed, "Aaaaaaaand you get to sleep in my room .. NOT Edwards".

"I-" Wait what did she just say! No way am I going near her room/beauty salon!

"Alice sorry I can't .. I have um, an appointment at the Doctors"

"No you don't, and Carlisle is your doctor so does it matter?" Damn vampire!

"get dressed **NOW!**" such a nice person. I walked over to my wardrobe an started looking for a outfit to wear but I felt something hard hit my shoulder and all of a sudden I was on the ground. I looked up an Alice was **INSIDE** my wardrobe pulling all my clothes **OUT!**

"Alice what are you doing? I can look for clothes on my own!"

She just looked at me and then I saw her hand move, it was suddenly dark. I lifted my hand to my face and pulled of a pair of denim shorts and a spaghetti strap top that would probably show my belly button at least. I couldn't remember buying them. I quickly pulled them on knowing I wouldn't win, when do I ever?

"Happy now?" I asked through my teeth.

"exceptionally!" How she can be horrible one moment and nice the next I'll never get.

She grabbed my arms and slung me over her shoulders, jumped from the window an ran straight into the forest at the other side of the street.

In no time at all we were at the Cullen house 'cough' hell 'cough'. Lately I had been here a lot, and every time I came over I was pranked by almost every one except Carlisle. Even Esme had teamed up with Alice and Rosalie to make me go shopping and embarrass me!

Alice set me down gently, being the fragile human I am. I slowly walked in, peeking around the door to check if the coast was clear obviously. Suddenly I was flying through the air in a pair of cold, hard arms I heard a rumble of laughter beside my left ear - Emmett!

"**PUT ME DOWN!**" I yelled knowing I didn't need to they would hear me if I whispered anyway, " **EDWARD**".

I saw a blur of color beside my arm and I was stuck in between to muscled vampires.

"Crushed" was all I could get out when Emmett and Edward were pulled apart and standing there were all of the Cullen's minus Carlisle.

"**BOYS!** Apologise **NOW!**" Esme was one scary mom/vampire.

"sorry" mumbled Emmett.

"Bella, forgive me" Edward whispered to me pulling me close and lifting me into his arms before running up stairs to his/our bedroom.

He lay me down on the bed an sat next to me,

"how are you?" such a simple question, but I couldn't speak. I had just noticed what he was wearing, Jeans, a belt and .. Nothing else!

"I- Um, What?" He chuckled. "Bella you are absurd!"

We just lay there for hours looking at each other. At about half 4 Carlisle came in. He popped upstairs to say hello to me and Edward then went down to attempt to help Esme with my dinner. Edward decided we should go down and see how they were getting on. So he rose to his feet and scooped me up. Then dived out of the room and within minutes we were in the kitchen. I couldn't believe it **ALL** of the Cullen's were in the kitchen helping make my dinner.

"um, you know I could have just microwaved something" I mumbled. I wasn't used to having all these people running around doing things for me.

"we wanted to sweetheart" Esme said

"yeah, I've never cooked in my life so this has been kind of fun" said Carlisle

They had made me 4 different types of salad, a roast big enough for us all, dips and breadsticks with chocolate pudding and cheesecake for after, I didn't have the heart to tell them I couldn't eat it so I tried a bit of it all.

Just as I was finishing I heard a rumble of thunder, and then I saw a flash of lightening.

I grabbed Jaspers, who was sitting closest, arm

Emmett burst out laughing, " Bella Human is scared of a little thunder ha ha ha"

"her name is not Bella Human, it is Bella, period, no Human" Carlisle said sternly

"Ok hi Bella period no Human! Are you scared of thunder?"

I glared at him, well I tried.

" Bella.. Why is your eye twitching?" asked Jasper

"Never Mind"

"so why are you afraid of the thunder?" asked Edward

"Because it reminds me of that might with Victoria, James and Laurent!"

Emmett burst out laughing.. Again!

Suddenly the lights flickered and went out. Emmett screamed,

"Ohh Emmett afraid of the dark are we?" ha-ha revenge is a bitch.

"Ok I'll go get the candles" said Alice " Bella don't move, you'll fall and cut your leg, not a good idea"

I sat still for about 27 seconds when Alice reappeared with a armful of candles, every one looked at me.

"what?"

"um, fire…" Edward said. Oh I get it vampires, fire .. Oh yeah

I lit all 13 candles while chuckling to myself and placed them in the middle of the dining table.

"you know something vampires look pasty in low light"

All 7 vampires stared at me.

"what? You do" I mumbled innocently.

**Ok not very funny but it's my first fan fic so say it's crap all you want I'll just delete laughs manically next chapter:**

**One word - PMS ( well three words ) :D **

**You can review if you want im not going to make you .. I hate reading stories where the author's all " review or no more story" and im all "shurrup" and Bella's all "hi Edward, hi Jacob" and Jacobs all "woof"**


	2. Locked up

**Annoying The Cullen's**

**Chapter 2**

It was Saturday. The best day of the week if you ask me. Except when you're staying with the Cullen's. It was the day after the black out, the lights had finally came on at half two in the morning but I was all ready asleep because im human .. Grr .. Not for long though ha-ha.

Edward's looking at me weird .. Did I laugh out loud? Hmm.

"Bella, my love, why are you laughing?" he asked in his velvet voice.

"im gonna be dead soon" I said with a BIG smile on my face.

Edward stared wide eyed at me.

"Bella are you sure you should be happy about that?"

"yup" I love being me! Sigh.

Just then Alice ( insert teeth grinding here) walked in, more like skipped in.

"great idea Bellsssssss" she squeaked.

"um .. Huh?" ok there's confused and then there's me!

She laughed as she thought about what ever the idea was,

"ok so what were gonna do is … Eddie you set up the trap make sure the door is strong enough and I'll trick him.. Ha-ha I have him twisted around my leeeetle finger. Bella you just be .. Well Bella and keep everyone else away from the basement." she finished with a big smile.

Edward was smirking, I still didn't know what was going on then it hit me, when we were sitting in the dark last night we had been joking about jaspers power, I had said that it would be funny if we locked him in a room full women who are PMSing, after I said it I noticed a look on Alice's face but she just laughed it of when I mentioned it.

I suddenly burst out laughing.

"she knows what we're doing now" Alice mock-whispered to Edward "that took her .. What" she looked at her watch "1 minute 3 seconds"

Edward laughed, "Bella just can't read minds it's not her fault"

"Yeah, Alice" I said, wait did I just stick my tongue out?.

"Bella did you just stick your tongue out?" Apparently I did.

"Anyway, Operation TJHAHA go" Said Alice in very loudly. Edward and I jumped to our feet and saluted her.

"Wait, Alice what does TJHAHA stand for?" I asked.

"Torture Jasper Ha-Ha! God Bella you ARE slow today!" Laughed Alice before dancing out of the room. Edward gave me swift kiss on the cheek before following.

They were all away to help with their part of the plan so I guess I better do mine. I walked slowing down the stairs and saw Alice and Jasper cuddled up on the sofa, Alice was obviously trying to convince him to do what she says. I kept on walking and ended up in the kitchen Esme was there.

"Hey Esme! How's it going?"

"Fine. What about you? Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm Belgium" Silence.

"So Esme, You're a Vampire!" way to go Bella. Couldn't think of anyyyything else, could ya?

"Yes" she paused "we all are. Remember Bella? I'm Esme, Carlisle's Wife, Edwards mom persona." she finished slowly as if talking to a child.

"Esme, I know .. Just trying to make conversation!" I muttered

I walked out. Trying to figure out how to keep myself amused, then I heard it. A scream of terror. It was coming from below me. I realised Edward and Alice's trap had worked.

"Goodness me, what was that?" Great Esme was through, she would ruin all the fun.

"um…" Great Bella lost for words, what great timing! Think of something then! (even more screaming)

"Oh dear God, I've fallen down!" I said dramatically while falling to the floor. (even more screaming)

"Bella, are you all right?" Oh My God, she believed me. Ha-ha. And Eddie said I couldn't lie. Esme is looking at me funny, Jesus, I was laughing out loud again. Sheesh, I have issues. ( Jasper's still screaming)

"um, do you like Jaffa cakes 'coz um.. Charlie bought some an I was thinking.." (screaming :D)

"Bella, what's going on down in the basement?" (AHHHHHHHHHHHH)

"Nothing" I said quickly, jumping to my feet and falling over again. "nothing is going on in the basement, nu uh, nothing, zilch, zip, zero!"

"well I'll just go down and get something then.." Damn!

"Wait, do you hear that, it's silence?" I whispered.

"yeah, I wonder why that is?" I turned around and saw

Jasper standing there, growling I may add.

Uh Oh!

"Nice talking to you Esme". And then I ran.

I made it into the kitchen. I let out a sigh of relief, then turned around Jasper was standing there.

"Now Bella this could be hard or … harder"

"um watcha gonna do huh punk?" I shouted

"lock you in the basement with your fiancée and my wife" he answered with a evil smile.

" It wasn't my idea honest" I said pouting

"Bella you are evil!" he smiled "I guess it does sound like something Alice would do"

"Yes It sounds EXACTLY like something Alice would do!" I agreed, ha-ha life is sweet. Damn I laughed out loud again. Oh good he's laughing to.

Later that day!

Me an Jazz were sitting on a sofa outside the basement door. Edward and Alice had been locked in the Basement for about 7 hours. And meanwhile me and jasper had been having some funny conversations about life before I was even born.

We had been blocking out Alice's screams and Edward's yelling all day but it was starting to annoy me so we decided to let them out.

Alice ran straight past me muttering something about revenge but Edward came over and grabbed me.

"Did I do something to you?" he questioned me. I just laughed.

"You almost got me killed by jasper, I thought you said the door would be jasper proof?"

"I didn't say that, and by the way Alice and Jasper where in on the plan all along to get back at me for something.."

"what?"

"nothing.."

"Edward!"

"because I won't have sex with you and Jasper is sick of you feeling horny or frustrated!"

"oh" well this was awkward.

"So Edward, you're a vampire"

**Ok that's the worst thing I've ever written :O:O:O:O:O:O**

**Oh yeah and I don't own the twilight saga!!**

**Next chappy : Lets get Carlisle Mwahahahahaha!**


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